Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
