Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Barsexuality is the new black.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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