Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
