you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
