You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
one might say we're banned from that church
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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