I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
