yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
