Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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