it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
