You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
