its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
