I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
