when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
