i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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