no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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