I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
