Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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