When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
The chlamydia really affected his face.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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