Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
