My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
