I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
