shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
