Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
