life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
