When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
