escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
