sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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