Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
