Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
