Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
