from now on my penis is your penis
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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