But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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