Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize