a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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