Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
