I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
