I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
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Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
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We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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