Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize