But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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