Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
