Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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