I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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