Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
