well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
