she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
