i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize