Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
