Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
