i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
