her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
