i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
