Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
