Have you finally orgasmed yet?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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