i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
