need another drink. this is the easiest way
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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