Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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