But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
