I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
