I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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