Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
