I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
