my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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