no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
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I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
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I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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