she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
