note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
