Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
