I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
never play flip cup with pint glasses
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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