Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
