Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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