im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
