You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
