i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
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