can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
