I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
