i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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