Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
